Möbius Strip News: Volume 1, Issue 7 --Poultry, Procrastination, and a Proof

"Your source for somewhat true and completely wonderful local news."

WILDLIFE
This week marks the beginning of a new cumulative-poultry consumption observation process by local birds. "During this time, the amount of bird products consumed by each barbarian human will be recorded in the databases of our flat-screen supercomputers," a nearby grackle cawed menacingly at a Möbius reporter in the wee hours of the morning. "All those who exceed the maximum consumption will be promptly punished for their sins against Aves! Cower in fear, puny humans!" Residents of the surrounding area reported being awakened early in the morning by sqwak-ing birds, having unusually large amounts of bird excrement on their car windows, and being afflicted by the traditional sneezing and-coughing dust spread by vengeful birds at the conclusions of observation periods. However, bribes of Raspberry Pi(s), Arduinos, and SD cards have been proven to significantly decrease the number of consequences experienced by eaters of eggs and bird meat. To bribe your neighborhood birds, simply deposit the bribe in any nearby bird's nest.
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EDUCATION
Judges at a nationwide science fair competition for students have adopted the habit of procrastination common among the contestants. "I know the results were supposed to come out like two days ago, but come on, they can wait for another couple of days! I deserve a break, man 'cuz I looked at the first two pages of this one yesterday! I'll do it- but not now,"claimed one judge before turning back to his game of throwing virtual birds at structurally unsound buildings. 
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Local teacher secretly hungry, students say. "She's, like making so many references to food," said one student. "If you're hungry, then just, like, use your calculator to call the school black market and get some zip-tab coconuts or something. Everyone knows that!"
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State decides not to fund testing for science and math. Instead, the Bored of Education, presumably somewhat bored with education, prompted the state to pay for end of course tests for the Introduction to Modern Metalworking (often referred to as Tin for the New Millennium) and Chair Studies classes.
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Bizarre new proof for E=mc² introduced by a middle school math teacher. When asked for a summary, she told Möbius reporters that it "involves a complex diagram with a circle" and that she was "inspired by ClipArt." Mathematicians city-wide are possibly currently examining her work.
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WENDY'S RECIPES
Tartar Sauce and Fish Sandwich
First, get some magnesium sulfate and tartaric acid. Then mix them together, adhering to standard chemistry safety procedures. Allow the resulting solution to evaporate and form crystals. Next, take your microscope and examine the crystals and find one or maybe a couple thousand that resemble a fish, depending on whether or not you supersaturated the solution. Finally, scrape off the crystal(s) and put it between two pieces of bread.
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WENDY'S EQUATIONS
Student + dying == Studying
Combination + permutation == Communist nation
Marshmallow + bath == Math
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RF'S DATING TIPS
"With these tips, you'll never not get not rejected!"
Asking someone on a date:
1. Buy a date fruit.
2. Approach the person you wish to ask on a date.
3. Place date on floor.
4. Step on date. Be sure not to cover up more than half of the date!
5. Ask the other person to step on the date as well. If he or she is reluctant, say that it's for science.
6. Repeat until the answer is yes.
7. Tell everyone you went on a date with that person.
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Asking someone out:
1. Make sure that both you and the person you're asking are indoors.
2. Do something that causes the indoors to become very uncomfortable. 
3. Mention the discomfort to the person.
4. Ask, "Do you want to go outside with me?" or something along those lines.
5. If person does not say yes, make the room even more uncomfortable.
6. Repeat until the other person says yes or you're both dead.
7.Tell everyone you went out with that person. (assuming you're not dead)

More Books

While writing the script for the play to be featured on this blog, I encountered an unexpected case of writer's block. Because of this, I would like to tell you about two interesting books I found while researching content for the play.

In case you can't read upside-down letters, it says "NSA Family Encyclopedia"

1. NSA Family Encyclopedia- I'm pretty sure this isn't actually from the NSA, but the book never tells you what NSA stands for, which is pretty suspicious in itself. But then when you turn to the second page, it says this:

Dun dun dun.

2. First Grade Reading Textbook- This textbook is for the most part  a normal reading textbook. But then, there is a piece of music in there that is comparable to the French Horn parts of the music played by Symphonic Band. I mean, look at it! It has THREE sharps in its key signature! And this is a FIRST GRADE TEXTBOOK! Music education these days!

Sure, first graders should get harder music than middle schoolers. 

Webkinz-Runescape Crossover?

Sorry, there are two Whimsy Dragon pictures. I can't do anything about it since the Whimsy Dragon pictures don't show up at all when I try to edit the post. Just bear with it.

After the mysterious Webkinz tag was found by me, I went on my Webkinz account and discovered that the Webkinz Travel agency had been removed from the game. Along with the removal of the need for buying tickets to the island thingy and the entire Webkinz spa, the Whimsy Dragon travel agency clerk( I can't remember her name) was also removed.

  

On Runescape recently, the quest One of a Kind was released. With this update, Celestial Dragons were released. 

I noticed that the Whimsy Dragons and the Celestial Dragons slightly resembled each other, and this gave me an idea for a crossover fanfiction, where the former clerk of the Webkinz Travel Agency was actually removed because she was sucked into Runescape and became either a Celestial Dragon or a pink Dragonkin*. However, unlike Connor, I do not feel that I  currently have the writing capability to write a good Runescape fanfiction. If any of you wants to borrow the idea and can submit a decent rough draft to me, I will let you have the idea. If not, then I will keep this idea for later.

See? They both have blue spots, a somewhat pink color, and sort-of similar paws.

Celestial Dragon

Whimsy Dragon

* The identity of a Dragonkin is a possibility since the abbreviation of Webkinz is Kinz, and assuming that Kinz is a plural noun, the singular form of Kinz is Kin. Kin has been used as an abbreviation for Dragonkin by the Runescape staff before, so the draconic travel clerk could be both a Webkinz and a Dragonkin. See? It all adds up.

Möbius Strip News: Volume 1, Issue 6 -- Batteries, Blood Clots, and Chairs

"Your source for somewhat true and completely wonderful local news."


EDUCATION
Determined student returns to school only a day after coma and is injured once again. School officials are suspiciously oblivious.
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Middle school students are preparing for a prestigious science competition. One particularly popular event is the new "Shove Ping Pong Balls and Batteries Into a Plastic Bag Tied to a Robot" marathon. We spoke to one student, asking him about this wonderfully educational event. "DON'T STEP ON ANYTHING! Oh, and yeah, I really like this event," he told us as he triumphantly deposited a battery into the plastic bag on his team's robot. "Our robot has a 100% success rate, especially when I get to push the things into the bag! When I don't get to push the things in, it still has a 100% success rate 40% of the time!". The competition will be in about a month and a half.
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Missing a substitute teacher, the middle school Geometry class descends to Lord of the Flies-esque chaos.
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HEALTH
Local researchers have unexpectedly discovered that school hallways are an excellent model of blood clots. Plans are being made to bring medical students to observe the circulation of people in various middle and high schools.
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AND NOW SOME WORDS FROM OUR SPONSOR...
Tired of throwing coconuts at trees or smashing them with rocks? Introducing the new Easy Zip Coconut! We did the work for you! Just a quick "ZEEYIUP" and the coconut flies open. Available exclusively on your local school's black market!
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SPORTS
School officials have announced a new sport to be played in all schools in the hopes of reducing childhood obesity. "We plan to, like, have these new chairs and, y'know, have kids sit in them and ummm.....Oh, looks like I have to go!" stated a school board official  before running out of the room when asked for details about the new sport.

Dun dun dun...

Today I found this near my computer:

It says "Love Monkey".

In case you can't recognize it, it is a Webkinz tag. There's nothing strange about it to you, but it definitely deserves the sinister music in the title. For several reasons:

1. I don't have a Love Monkey- I have never even seen a Love Monkey before in real life. Therefore, I could not have ever gotten this tag. 

2. All my Webkinz tags are stashed in my bookshelf- This tag was not at its spot near my computer beforehand either. It has also been years since I last played Webkinz, so there would be no need for it anyways.

3. Even if Ganz mistakenly gave me this tag with my Love Frog or Lion, then I shouldn't have it anyways- I gave away my Love Frog's tag years ago. If this tag came with any of my other Webkinz, then I would have known since I looked at and used their tags often. When I put my Love Lion's code into my Webkinz account, I got a lion. Not a monkey. It's not my Lion's tag.

Mobius Strip News: Volume 1, Issue 2 -- Unsuccessful Cheating, Cupcakes, and Laziness

"Your source for somewhat true and completely wonderful local news."

POLITICS

In an alternate universe, the tiny yet surprisingly successful country of Ni has conquered long time rival country Niz, thus gaining roughly four square feet of land. Lairvem, the leader of Ni, generously allows Arjib, the former leader of Niz, to continue using the land that used to be his. No serious conflicts have arisen, but it is rumored that Winaught, a massive country bordering Ni, is supplying Ni with the latest warfare weaponry, such as paper plates and value napkins.

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EDUCATION

Breaking News: "Religious" school fails at cheating during a robotics competition!
Students were reported to be conspicuously nudging the obstacles with their feet, but still, they were not able to successfully complete the competition. As a science teacher from another school told us, "Pathetic!"
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Enraged students file complaints about the lack of food at a class party
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Local teacher applauded for bringing cupcakes to class
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Do educational puns help children learn better by making classes less "Bohr-ing?"
Ongoing studies are inconclusive.

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SPORTS

Thumb wrestling tournament canceled due to clement weather
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Jump rope competitions are to be held outside the Children's Museum tomorrow at midnight. Please bring your own jump rope(s), beverages, and thesauruses.

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HEALTH

A Sunday School teacher tries implementing doing situps as the new activity after lessons, and the children love it! Many parents, however, are skeptical about having their children exercise.
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MISCELLANEOUS

The reporters for Möbius Strip News are too lazy to write more extensive reports for readers. Instead, they have resorted to mostly using headlines. We wish to tell you that we hope you've had a nice, relaxing week, but even that's a bit too much to type.

Mobius Strip News: Volume 1, Issue 1 -- Macrons, Imagine Learning, and Death of a Snake

"Your source for somewhat true and completely wonderful local news."

AS SPARTAN PROVERBS TELL US...
"It's DYIN'!"
"STAHP itt-uhhh!"
 "To climb stairs, one must climb the stairs."
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HEALTH
New virus? -- Two local, middle-aged women manage not to use the restroom for over eight hours yet report no major discomfort, a symptom of a possible new virus. The new virus seems to be extremely contagious, however only at a close range. A determined team of two scientists are hard at work researching this strange new virus, putting in up to five minutes of diligent work each day.
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 Does writing macrons in Latin cause carpal tunnel syndrome?
Ongoing studies say it's not completely impossible.

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NOW SOME WORDS FROM OUR SPONSOR...

New product of unspecified name has arrived at the school book store! It's advertised to reduce stress and intelligence. Now you'll finally "fit in!" Woo hoo!
(Price will vary depending on the first letter of your last name and whether or not you have ever eaten wood ear mushrooms.)
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 EDUCATION

Middle school students are encouraged to imagine learning through the state's newest ingenious program, fittingly named Imagine Learning. Each school computer comes installed with a copy of Imagine Learning, but few teachers are implementing it.
Regardless, interviews with students reveal that this is a very popular new system. "It's, like, so much better than the old way of, you know, actually learning stuffs!" reported an enthusiastic girl smacking on a piece of Trident Layers gum of undetermined flavor. The teachers are slowly warming up to it though. "I used to think it was a crazy idea, but the students love it and don't ever have pointless questions! Could the state education system actually have thought up something beneficial?" one teacher mumbled as he sipped a mug of clear liquids.
School faculty hopes that Imagine Learning will help students adjust to the Uncommon Bore curriculum as they refine their imagination skills.
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"Advanced" Latin students shocked to discover that fellow classmates are alive and have functioning brains.
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Two printers appear in one classroom: Sorcery?

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OBITUARY

The Why Not? admins mourn the tragic death of an innocent snake.
However, in an interview with several semi-barbaric homosapiens, they were reported to have unreasonably high levels of relief and even happiness over the tragic loss.
Nine square inches of land have been dedicated for a memorial in memory of the snake. (Construction is set to begin within ninety years.)

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OTHER NEWS

Impromptu celebrations abound as the arrival of the newest issue of Imagine magazine is announced.
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This week's word of the weak has been "theme." Any student caught using the word was to be harassed for being weak enough to use "theme."

Pokemon Y

Yes! I have Pokemon Y now! It's time to kill fairy Pokemon!

Short Post #9

If I had a million dollars for every time that Nilai's heads were not cut off by lawnmowers or kicked off by inconsiderate people for at least 3 months, then I would be rich since it's happened once.

School? School.

GM- We go to school since we wouldn't choose to learn by ourselves. We'd just sit around since there would be no one to force us to be productive. And besides, many businesses don't take homeschooled people as seriously a school-educated people.
 
RF- I realize the thing is trying to be funny, but it has such a careless air of stupidity that it really just shows how much we need school/some kind of formal education.
First, like GM said, few people will actually buy a globe or watch Dora. Now YouTube, sure, but again, most will not bother to delve into music genres beyond pop.
Second, all those arguments are not true. I already briefly mentioned the music thing. YouTube has a lot of amazing content, but its ability to teach you how to play an instrument is not nearly as good as a real human. If by music, you mean music history, YouTube has stuff, but will you really go look it up? Wii can be a substitute for exercising in the traditional ways, but you are still spending time in front of a screen, which you would have already done for hours on YouTube for you "music" "education." Also, who's going to require you to play Wii?
On to Spanish. From my experience, Dora uses few Spanish words. After watching Dora, you will probably know how to say hi, bye, let's go, jump, and the names of a couple animals. How helpful will that be in communicating? You can't even ask where the bathrooms are! It's kind of the same in English. You can't communicate with only the phrases "laughing out loud," "be right back," and "I don't know." Although, if we really stopped having school, "IDK" might just suffice for most situations.
In math, having a calculator does not make you able to do math. If you don't know what numbers to put in, how is any answer going to appear? As for geography, globes are nice, but not the most detailed things ever. Also, who would actually buy one? Last, but certainly not the least incorrect one, is the argument for history. History is not dead. The effects of the events in the past are still in our present. Learning about the past helps us understand the present. Furthermore, you are part of history. Would you like the future people to just say, "Well, they're dead, so it's not like they ever mattered." Learning history helps you remember there were people before you, and there will be more people after you. We will eventually all be gone, with no one to remember the great works of anyone, but I think we should remember because we can and owe it to those who before us.

In conclusion, yes, we need education!

Arrgh! Blegh!

Today I noticed that N's post had been plussed three times on Google+. Then I noticed that I let horrible grammar disfigure the blog. Go ahead an look at the poor grammar while I bang my head on the wall. 

Wishes

One of the many cliche story plots floating around in the literary world is the wishes-gone-wrong one.
I now know what I would say if someone were to offer me a wish:                                                                I wish that I would be able to do nothing for a day.
This wish is impossible to grant. No matter what happens to you, you will always be doing something. I challenge you. Go and think of a condition where you are not doing anything. Then tell me. If that is a condition where you are not doing anything, I will give you a guest admin-ship and let you kick N's heads off.

Weekends Suck

If you used to be a regular reader of Why Not?, then you my recall when Alec Vacanti was an author.(No one except for the staff of Why Not? regularly reads the blog anymore. Bleh to you.)
If so, you may also remember when We still had a page just for Sucky Saturdays, which only debuted once.
When Sucky Saturdays first came out, I was thinking "Wow, Alec, you of all people would dislike Saturdays." Back then, I would say that Saturday was my favorite day of the week.
Since the start of the new school year, I find that I do not like weekends anymore. I have isolated a number of reasons for this.
These are:
1.  Having to actually do actually do things- Yes, I do things on weekdays. But I specifically don't like doing things like shopping, going to church, and taking walks. If I haven't mentioned before, shopping is the dullest thing I can think of. I detest it. I cannot imagine actually enjoying a trip to the mall like most of the other people I know. Having religion forced onto me is not exactly the most fun thing ever. The concept of a walk is not that bad, but to take a walk at this time of year means getting up early or doing it at that time.

2. The Time- The Time, as I call it is the worst part of the weekend. The Time starts at 2:30-ish and lasts until 6:00. The Time does not occur at all during weekdays. I always sense the coming of The Time even when I am not looking at a clock or out of the window. But what is The Time? The Time is when I am devoid of most creativity, inspiration, and general happiness. I find myself unable to do anything productive during The Time. When I go outside to go shopping(shopping likes to occur during The Time at my house), everything looks bleak and boring. I frequently "zone out" and think of nothing. Of course, there are times when The Time does not occur, such as cloudy days when I cannot see the depressing shade of blue in the sky synonymous with The Time or rainy days. Afterwards, during the weekdays, I cannot remember the feeling caused by The Time, so that also provides some relief.

3. Planning to get so many things done, but not actually getting to do them- This happens every single weekend. I go home on Friday, thinking "Oh, I have so much home work to do, but I'll get done within the two days! When I'm done, I'll do all the things I plan to do- like getting another 10% of the Python course done and leveling up twice in Magic!" But then Saturday comes and I never do those things. First I get up, and get  done with a few missions of my 3DS game. Then I have to clean some part of the house which somehow always takes around three hours. Then The Time comes, and I still don't get anything done. Next I come back at around 6:00 and I am expected to do some more things. In fact, I don't know if it's even allowed for me to be typing this post. Then I do math and go to bed, having accomplished none of the things I planned to do. (Sunday is actually pretty much the same, except I do the math at 4:30 and try to get everything done right before the day is over.)
 
   Darn it. this makes me look like a lazy, ungrateful person who has mental issues. Okay, fine I admit that I somehow play Runescape for at least two hours straight every weekend instead of getting things done.

   Anyways, I'm going to go ahead and say that I also think I have some sort of minor insanity, just to prove that I am not in fact insane. But I really do hate weekends. I always expect a time to relax after a week of not doing things I want to do, but it never happens anymore. I hear that everyone else did get to do things that they wanted to, and that just makes my weekend crappier in comparison. But, as weekends get crappier, weekdays get better, even if I say that the weekday sucked. ( Because no matter how bad it was, it could never compare to the drudgery of a weekend.)

To end this post on a happier note, here is the latest Char-Corn that RF hasn't seen yet, on paint and in color. C came up with the theme:

Char Corn Sect

*If you know what fictional religion the Char Corn is, don't tell anyone. I want to see the stupid, I mean interesting ideas the as-of-yet non-existent readers have.

Cars

Since N doesn't post anymore, I would like to post this. He's not going to notice anyways, and no one except the authors reads Why Not? anymore. -GM
Best all-round car - McLaren MP4-12C
Best electric car - Tesla Model S
Best mid-engine supercar - Lamborghini Aventador
Worst car - Nilairve 2000

What to Bring

"One of the world's tiresome questions is what object one would bring to a desert island, because people always answer 'a deck of cards" or 'Anna Karenina' when the obvious answer is 'a well-equipped boat and a crew to sail me off the island and back home where I can play all the card games and read all the Russian novels I want." -Lemony Snicket, Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid

Yesterday, in English/Reading class, we had a variant of this question. We were asked the three things we would take if we had to leave our homes. I, for one, generally have a hard time taking these questions seriously because they aren't really happening, what counts as a "thing" is never specified, and the exact circumstances are never given. GM, who happens to also be in that class, seems to have the same thoughts about this. I particularly like one of her answers, which was to bring some pepper spray and a baseball bat, presumably to injure whoever is trying to get her to leave home. Well, I also like her other answer of "a box of everything I own."

11111

Well, you missed 11111. I do get the feeling that you won't be 2222, either. (cough, cough, everyone who used to read the blog, cough)
Sorry, I asphyxiated some liquid right there. 

Things in China That Are Worth Mentioning

This has almost nothing to do with the actual post, but I, GM, have decided to quit using tags because they are useless.

As some of you know, I went to China for about a month, and saw some pretty interesting things. This is a list of these things.

• Min Le Food Store
• On several signs in China:"China Intangible Cultural Heritage" 
• The brand of metal detector at a railway station: "Super Scanner"
• A tour guide waving over a large crowd a foam hand with only the middle finger pointing upwards

Stuff GM Found on Google+ Today

I would publish a whole rant about how sucky the normal manufacturers of pedometers must be if Pokemon makes one and it's actually better, but I'm out of time. The thing is self explanatory.
Also, I have no proof that this is true.

Short Post #8

RF decided to start Short Post #7, so this one is #8.

Many times, I have been asked the question "What is the point of life?"
One day, I actually began to think about it and found the answer.

An Explanation of GM's Blog Inactivity

 You are probably not wondering why I have not posted for half of the "summer" break. But for future reference, I will still write this post.
For the first four days of "summer", I was kind of out of town. After that, for five days, I was at a college on the top of Lookout Mountain with very sexist dorms and internet, but also no device to access the internet on. After that, for another week, I was kind of out of town again. Then I went to China, where the computers there could not load Blogger. For two days after returning from China, I was too lazy to blog. Also currently, I am trying to recover from the worst return trip from anywhere, but today I decided to ignore the jet lag, insomnia, possibly injured eardrum, and the regret for not bringing the mysterious metal object back to America.
Normal blog activity begins now.