Characters-
Coeltree- The deceased person
Huum(the priest)- A clergy man of questionable origin, who was hired just to make the funeral more dramatic.
Mr. Scoot- The organizer and owner of the funeral home
Whue- A random person at the back of the crowd of people attending the funeral, but separated from the others by his distinguishing behavior.
Grieving Person 1(Self explanatory)
Grieving Person 2(Self explanatory)
Audience- A crowd of about ten people
Enter all characters
( Huum stands next to dead person, who should have already been on stage. Mr. Scoot faces the front of the audience. Both Grievers stand in the audience.)
Mr. Scoot- We're hea te-day to mourn the passin' ov -( insert coughing fit; Scoot doesn't quite know the name of the deceased) Excuse me!- and to remembe' and celebra' hea live. (Mr. Scoot
Audience and Grievers- *sobs loudly*
Huum- And now, a prayer to ensure her safe passage: Dear Pork God, we hope with all our hearts that this person passes safely to the Land of Vegetables and that her path is not obstructed by carrots. Keep the corn away. May the afterlife be filled with beans and potatoes for the deceased. We pray this in your Porkiness's name. Bacon.
Whue- *giggle*
Audience and Grievers- *sobs loudly*
Huum- Would anyone like to say any words of remembrance?
Grieving Person 1-(Raises hand) I would-d! *sobs*Coltree was the best person ever! She was so smart, and she got straight C's! *wipes away tear* Whenever, I met her, she seemed so friendly and full of life, even when she was comatose! No one in the world was as amazingly perfect as she was!*Audience and Grievers sob* One time-
(Mr. Scoot walks onto stage at this moment.)
Mr. Scoot- I am sorry te announce that there'll be no re-freshments at thees funeral.( Mr. Scoot leaves.)
Audience and Grieving Person 1(but not Grieving Person 2)- AAAAWWWW MAAAAAN!(Half the audience and Grieving Person 1 walk off the stage and mumble things like "What kind of funeral doesn't have refreshments", "I wanted some refreshments", "I wasted two minutes of my life here! Two whole minutes!", etc.)
Whue-*Has a hysterical laughing fit, and makes a vain attempt to disguise it as sobbing*
(Have 10-15 seconds of awkward silence[except for Whue's laughing] here after half the audience and Griever 1 leaves)
Huum- Would anyone else like to say anything?
Grieving Person 2- *sobs* Coltree and I were SO close! She was, like, my uncle's cousin's co-worker's sister's son's former roommate! * sobs* I , like, knew her whole full name!*breaks into sobbing fit*
Coeltree- * sits up suddenly* My name is Coeltree, not Coltree, get it right! * Looks around* Wait a minute, who are you people?
Huum- May his Baconess save us, a zombie!
Whue- * laughs maniacally*
Remaining griever and audience- ZOOOOMMMMMBBIIIIEEEE!
(Huum, Griever, and audience run off the stage while screaming)
* Intro to Latintutorial begins playing*
( Mr. Scoot walks in)
Mr. Scoot- Sorry 'bout that, I'm ex- Hey! You're alive? Whe'e is ev'ryone?
Coeltree- They thought I was a zombie and ran away. What's going on here? Was I dead?
Mr . Scoot- The morgue said you died of, um, a sonic he'gehog mutation or sumthin'. Yer lucky I don' start the em-embelmation process befoe the funeral recepshin.
(Mr. Scoot leaves muttering "In my dey, dead peeple stay'd dead...")
(Coeltree gets up follows Mr. Scoot.)
(Whue, who has been laughing during the entire conversation, continues laughing as the curtains fall.)
Intro to Latintutorial(watch the first five seconds):
