How to... Have a Typical Adult Conversation

Welcome to RF's new "how to" series!
Today we will examine a topic that seems useless and boring to adolescents like you. (If you are not an adolescent, sorry, but I'm pretty sure you find this topic just as boring.) Having a typical adult conversation is truly not that hard, and it may or may not make you seem really mature when you speak to an adult. Of course, not all of these tips are good for speaking with an adult as a person who is not an adult. I have marked those only for adult to adult speaking with an asterisk.

How to Have a Typical Adult Conversation (with someone you've met before)

A basic, comprehensive guide for anyone who wants to read this.

By the way this is all based on my experiences, meaning it might not be too accurate at times.

1.  Greet the other person with "Hi" or "Hello." Never use "Hey!" or "Wassup" or "Yo!" Otherwise you will probably be thought of as an ignorant spawn of corrupt society tsk-tsk-tsk and all that.
2.  Ask "How are you?"
3.  Mention the time interval between your last meeting and now (years, months, a while, etc.).

4. Compliment the person on his or her clothing. This tactic works best on females.

5. *If his or her kid is present, be sure to say something about them. Common and safe choices are...

      a. Wow, he/she has grown so much!

b.  Oh, he/she is so cute!

Asian parents I have met tend to take this a step further. They add the phrase,

"He/she is fat/skinny/short/tall/a "spitting image" of Mom/a "spitting image" of Dad!"*

6. Nod for a while.

7. Make a remark on current events. Politics, sports, and weather conditions are popular topics.

8.  Nod for a while.
9. Suddenly remember something you need to do, and tell the other person.
10. Say your farewell's and leave.